The Moment I Question My Capacity

God is never lacking in solutions for His children, nor is He ever short on provision. There are always opportunities, positions, and places of influence where He desires His children to be. Yet, it’s disheartening how often people become born again and then suddenly lose the drive to grow, improve, and develop themselves.

I sometimes wonder if this stems from a certain kind of teaching. One that inadvertently discourages ambition and self-development. It’s as if the fear of missing heaven leads to an abandonment of purpose here on earth. But that was never God’s design.

In Genesis, Scripture says:

"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion..."

God's command was clear, be fruitful, multiply, replenish, subdue, and take dominion. His desire has always been that we would improve our environment. God did not call us just to sit in church pews. The church is vital for fellowship, encouragement, and growth, but it’s only a part of the journey. Each person is meant to find and fulfill their destiny, to shine in the area of their divine expression.

Personally, I struggled with finding meaning until I realized that the Holy Spirit had already found expression through my writing. I had envisioned a more “spiritual” path, but the Lord was using what was already in my hands.

Lately, I’ve had recurring dreams of being in an academic setting, always on the verge of graduation. At first, I thought it was a sign of delay, something to pray against. But over time, I realized it was God’s way of saying, “The season of preparation is coming to a close.” That revelation stirred a new question in me: Do I even have the capacity for what’s ahead?

This led me to understand something deeper. We cannot demand that God reveal us publicly while we are still in the place of preparation. If He crowns us too early, we risk failing. Preparation is where we learn to risk our lives for the sake of obedience, to dare what seems impossible simply because faith tells us to.

Like David fighting the lion and the bear to protect the sheep 1 Samuel 17:34–36. God trains us in secret battles so we’re ready for public assignments. Success, then, is not about personal gain, it’s about aligning with God’s agenda for our generation and environment.

The Place of Preparation

The place of preparation is sacred. It’s the place of stretching, pruning, dying to self, learning, humility, and silence. It’s where our hunger must grow deeper. Yet, tragically, many become complacent here. Some even spiritually “die” not physically, but on purpose. They settle, thinking that this must be all there is to life.

The place of preparation could be our darkest moment, but it is the place where God creates our stories. We are constantly surrounded by individuals with great stories. Most of the greatest stories I have ever heard or read have been born from personal struggles, deep trials and seasons of darkness. Many who have dared to share have found strength in the process. And when God gives you a story, it is because He wants you to share it.

My story came from a place of lack. Kenneth Hagin's story came from the place of death. He had an incurable blood condition and a deformed heart when he was a toddler. At the age of 15, he became bedridden due to the lack of hope for his survival. He claimed to have died three times in ten minutes after a conversion experience in April 1933, each time witnessing the horrors of hell before reviving. God will use whatever is your major challenge or condition to develop a sense of faith for His purpose through your life. You will see the light in that situation the moment you see purpose. That is where the strength to live to share lies.

Whatever seeks to stop you from sharing that story is a chain and a tool of the enemy; be it finances, health challenge or location or the limitation you have placed on yourself. The question remains: What will you do to share your story? Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness. Joseph’s journey to Egypt wasn’t his idea, but God’s orchestration. And when Joseph found himself in Potiphar’s house, he didn’t mistake it for the destination. This is why he didn’t try to manipulate his way into staying there.

Unlike Joseph, many of us are tempted to preserve our current position at all costs. We compromise just enough to keep our jobs, to stay comfortable. But this mindset stunts our faith. Then, when we need real faith to step into the next phase, we find ourselves unprepared, lacking the depth and courage to move forward.

God leads us into preparation not to punish us, but to equip us for kingdom purpose, not personal survival. Don’t fear the wilderness. Embrace it. It’s where God builds the strength you'll need for the throne He’s prepared for you.

This is God saying again, rise from the darkness and shine your light. your environment desire to see where and what the truth is. The world needs you.

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